He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
