You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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