Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
