why didn't you poke me back
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
