I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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