Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
