I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just pee around me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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