he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
