The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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