covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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