After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
