Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
