wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I sprained my soul last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
