Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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