dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
