Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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