At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
