Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
