Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
