Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
