My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
as a side note pls kill me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
