your thong is hanging out like whoa
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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