we have officially mastered the walk of shame
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
