Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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