Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
