So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
