We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
