You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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