It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
