Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
