Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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