If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
