You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
