Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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