I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
