I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
