My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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