I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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