he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
