Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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