Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
