I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
