when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
