i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
