Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So. Much. Porn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
