my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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