You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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