so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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