i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
