we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
